Grief sneaks up

Grief is such a violent and wily beast, how does it manage to sneak up on me when I least expect it? I've been having such a wonderful few weeks with all kinds of fabulous and exciting things happening and this afternoon all I want to do is sit on the corner mourning my father like a wounded child. To say that I 'miss him so much' would be a ridiculous understatement, it feels like my soul is being peeled from my body. I can't say that my life would have turned out better or differently if my father had been around, I mean I never had the chance to come out to him, but its like his death permanently turned down the dimmer switch. There is always always something missing. I never really loved or bonded with anyone in my family but everyone tells me we loved each other so much. I miss him and I miss what he was to me. So today is a hard day.