I've chained myself to my desk in an attempt to finish my essay, it is progressing very slowly, much more slowly that my high scores on pretty much every game I have because sitting at a desk does not mean you will actually write something. What's that old saying 'You can lead a horse to water...'.
I haven't been sleeping well which kinda confirms what I already knew that my CFS is kicking up again, my arms and legs feel like they are made from lead and I am just dragging them around all the time. Still I feel lucky that the symptoms have remained mostly physical and I feel pretty positive about life in general. I've been spending lots of time with my friends laughing my head off which is very good medicine indeed!
I had a bit of a panic last night when I suddenly started thinking- what if nothing works? I have applied for so many different grants and projects etc... but I realised none of them are guaranteed, but the worst case scenario is that I go back to London and spend the summer writing which I did last year and it was lovely and if you factor in that the best case scenario would be that I get all of the grants and projects then I have plenty of reason to be optimistic. I guess it feels worse than it is because it hasn't happened yet, and the only main difference in outcome is that I won't be able to stay in Sweden. But hey, lets cross that bridge when we get to it!
More pressing concerns are that my school reduced my scholarship this month by 10% because I had 2 days off in January when I had Glandular Fever. My weekly budget for food, wine, cigarettes, school supplies, medicine, clothes, phone etc... is now £57 which is less than I would be getting if I was back in London on unemployment benefit sitting on my butt watching Jeremy Kyle not studying Mon-Fri 9-5. Then you have to factor in that they have decided to cut our final scholarship payment in March by 25% because school doesn't run all the way up until the 31st. This is despite the fact that many of our expenses like travel costs and phone bills will still have to be paid for the full four weeks. So I am racking my brain to try and figure out how to make up the difference, its a bit stressful.
Maybe I should brush up on my Beatles covers and go busking, it has been much warmer this week!
I spoke to my Nan last week, she is doing really well. When I called her she was in the middle of making a pile of Victoria Sponges for all her friends which is what she always seems to be doing! I'm really looking forward to seeing her.
Thats all from me for today, I think I have procrastinated from my essay enough for now!!
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